An Empathetic Note On “Men Not Being Able To Express Their Feelings”
Even in social life or relationships, a sufficiently mature man may be outspoken, may even be straightforward, but is still likely to hide his inner-most feelings of pain, anguish, anxiety, etc. not because he is forced to, but because this man knows there are more important things to worry about than himself. This man knows that he is not an island. He knows what he feels isn’t important enough to help enact the change that needs to be enacted. He knows his feelings can’t bind communities together, evaluate market situations, come up with amazing designs, make breakthrough discoveries in science, etc. He knows that by expressing his emotions he may even jeopardize relationships, put people on the defensive, and perhaps he himself may do something impractical that may cause more harm to the situation than solve anything. Because the end goal is worth the suppression of pain.
He can’t even tell anyone how much he’s been “hurt”, not because he’s afraid to look weak, but because he either understands that they probably didn’t mean it or he just doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it and make them feel like villains of his story. He doesn’t want them to go away. And he certainly won’t cry until he has closed the door behind him.
This is emotional integrity. This is masculinity: Taking responsibility of one’s feelings, and taking the most practical action possible instead of feeling sorry for oneself. I’m not in the position to say if it’s “right” or “wrong”, but I can say that this is how it’s been, and what we have so far is because of some people’s personal sacrifices that we’ll probably never know about.
And I’m not even bullshitting here. You want proof? Examine the tear-ducts of each sex and tell me what you see. Gender Roles may be a social construct, but what the tear-ducts signify is a signature of our evolutionary past.
And this is why I take issues with Feminism’s consistent demonisation of men, campaigns run to manipulate social structures to their assumptions, and place heavier burdens on men in general, expecting them to “suck it up and take it”. In the guise of liberating men from Patriarchy, they make it even worse for men who are increasingly unable to cope with the difficulties that evolution has granted them, and you get a rapid increase in suicide rates, or even some rare men “snapping” and committing crimes due to the severity of their mental illnesses.
And nobody talks about this. Men don’t talk about it with the assumption that they can, like always, “endure it” and take a more practical approach. Society doesn’t talk about it because, like always, it assumes men are responsible for it and that Feminism is actually doing something good.
I find myself, sitting in grief, listening to the numbers of male deaths ticking like a clock. We are celebrating on tombs we don’t know they’re even there.